s C r e a M o P u N k

Monday, April 07, 2008

song of the day: soulja boy - soulja girl

im so so tired and being really bogged down by lots of things - mainly school work.
theres so much school work to do and i feel that there is not enough time.
we're being constantly reminded that the a levels are coming and to be exact, just 6months and 26days to go i suppose.
its just so suffocating and the moment you got home from school, you just have no energy to do any other things.
take today for example, school took up nearly 11 hours which i only managed to take two half hour breaks for my meals.
sad anot? =/
everyday seems to be like a scolding session from the teachers.
they're really anxious for us and i can see that.
you know we as students have the kind of mindset like teachers nag = being irritating.
i've learned to change and to seriously think about what they want to say.
most of the times, they made so much sense that i have to agree with.
miss tan said this today "my other classes are all panicking leh but i see your class hor, all like holiday mood"
whether other classes are really panicking anot i dont really know but i really can see my class is slacking.
sometimes theres this part inside of me which wants to come out and point at everything that i think is WRONG but i just control it.
if nobody is thinking along the same line as you, you might be the wrong one in the end no?
there's something in the class which i cannot really explain.
we're really a nice class on the outside but on the inside, everyone is just kinda seperated.
how to do well as a class like that?
and i know ms su is terribly upset about the class - myself included.
how do you feel when every morning the first thing you anticipate your tutor to say "good morning" to you but she actually said "you ah as the cg chairperson..." and starts to complain.
you know things really changed and i've learnt alot more than the last two years.
for the last two years, cg chairperson is like really slack and there's nothing much to take care of.
but this year, there's so many things to catch up with.
"you are making your teachers working harder by going to them for consultations"
this sentence sounds so so logical to me.
if you had work harder, you would have understood the chapter and not going to your teachers for "revision", for which they are repeating for the third time (first in lecture and second in tutorials).
even before this sentence was said, i already have in mind to go to mr ng for consultation later in the afternoon.
which i did, and i apologised to him for asking him so many questions.
i wasnt surprised by his reaction that he said he was glad i looked him up (even though i can see he's tired too).
cause he, seriously is a very good teacher.
really i want to know what exactly has happened to me!?
i checked with some of my PRIMARY SCHOOL CLASSMATES who all happen to obtain lousier grades than me and ended up in other secondary schools.
most of them ended up in a much better jc than me and guess what? most aced their a levels TOO.
just 4 of them i talked to over the weekend - AAA, AAA, ABB, BAB.
how bout that?
JUST WHAT AM I DOING NOW??
this is definitely not the way i want things to happen.
im so embarrassed of myself.
my mood is really bad now and im so sorry i have to rant and rant and rant.
everything is just so FUCKED UP!!!
after this post, i'll be offline to do my chemistry, physics and study for spa for tmr.
fun anot?
not forgetting gp mindmap.
and let me bring this up again, BLOCK TESTS RESULTS ARE SHIT.
i have only myself to blame for feeling like this.
and whats there of myself to be blamed?
aiya this sucks i better stop before i type even more rubbish.
by the time you read until here, i think you're as tired as i am.
for any teachers who happen to read this, i just have to say im sorry for the mistakes i've made.
i will change and cause lesser or no trouble for you.
seriously who doesnt want to have a happy time in school, studying conscientiously, enjoying the times with your peers and maintaining a good relationship with everyone?
as for my classmates who are reading this, lets just stop doing things to make the teachers sad.
you know i felt really really... ARGH.
you tell me lah, what will you do if, you are the cg chairperson of the class.
your teachers hold you responsible for how the class is conducting.
and you get to know your teacher actually teared while talking about your class WITH ANOTHER CLASS.
YOU TELL ME LAH.
you gotta tell me what to do or perhaps HOW SHOULD I FEEL.
i tell you how i felt - fatigue
to think i always put on a happy front so as not to affect any others.
i seriously think i need someone to speak to.
i guess i'll just end here.
good night everyone.

-just when i needed you most